In keeping with tradition, Chan believes all that is old is good and all that is new is bad. Unless that which is new is a young, fresh lady, because Chan does not believe in stale, old ones - except his wife, bless her soul.
This theory can be confirmed quite easily. Films, music, and television, it can hardly be argued, are nothing like what they used to be. I'd give 10 "Transformers" for 1 "Godfather". Hell, I'd give 10 "Dark Knights" for 1 "Batman Returns". After all, why is Batman's new voice so DEEP?

And what of athletes? We've got Uggla and Giambi and Kobe Bryant and Pacman Jones and Rex Grossman to show for our troubles. What of the old days, the Magic Johnson-Larry Bird-Michael Jordan days of yore? Has anybody actually watched David Beckham play soccer?

Or food...who remembers Koala Yummies?


Contrary to popular belief, there are no koalas in China.

As you might suspect, this theory applies to toys as well, big and small, fancy and, well, not so fancy - like Lincoln Logs. That's right. Lincoln Logs.

What's that you say? Since you've gotten your Playstation 3 you've used your Sega Genesis as a doormat? Your Xbox 360 Live account is your life-line to the universe? You tossed your Gameboy out the window of your car without a second thought, like so many cigarette butts? Well, my friends, Chan has a message for you: only one type of man doesn't see the value in the old school glory of Nintendo.

And that type of man is Bill O'Reilly. Because after all, if (Fuck) one (it!) can't (We'll) find (do) fun (it) with (live!) Lincoln Logs, well, you're probably not an American. And if you can't find fun with Lincoln Logs or Nintendo, like Billo, then you're probably too young to be reading this site. So go, and age well, for one day your gaming systems will be consigned to the antique shops and trash heaps!

But if the human race smartens up and takes a few pages from my book, there will no longer be trash heaps. But that, of course, is a matter for a different day.