Fortunately for the world, China is introducing a new program to guarantee the dignity of the upcoming Olympics: sex-testing for athletes who may or may not be men. The news:

"Olympic host Beijing has set up a sex determination lab to test female Olympic athletes suspected to be males, state media reported Sunday.

Sex testing has been routine at the Olympics and other sports events for decades, triggered by fears that male athletes sought to cheat by posing as women."

Just ask Indian athlete Santhi Soundarajan, who was stripped of an Asian Games silver medal in 2006 after failing to prove he was a he, or something. It's all very complicated with these people.

Of course, when you’re born a Jew this problem is handled early on at a special, religious ceremony.



Fear me.

In keeping with tradition, Chan believes all that is old is good and all that is new is bad. Unless that which is new is a young, fresh lady, because Chan does not believe in stale, old ones - except his wife, bless her soul.
This theory can be confirmed quite easily. Films, music, and television, it can hardly be argued, are nothing like what they used to be. I'd give 10 "Transformers" for 1 "Godfather". Hell, I'd give 10 "Dark Knights" for 1 "Batman Returns". After all, why is Batman's new voice so DEEP?

And what of athletes? We've got Uggla and Giambi and Kobe Bryant and Pacman Jones and Rex Grossman to show for our troubles. What of the old days, the Magic Johnson-Larry Bird-Michael Jordan days of yore? Has anybody actually watched David Beckham play soccer?

Or food...who remembers Koala Yummies?


Contrary to popular belief, there are no koalas in China.

As you might suspect, this theory applies to toys as well, big and small, fancy and, well, not so fancy - like Lincoln Logs. That's right. Lincoln Logs.

What's that you say? Since you've gotten your Playstation 3 you've used your Sega Genesis as a doormat? Your Xbox 360 Live account is your life-line to the universe? You tossed your Gameboy out the window of your car without a second thought, like so many cigarette butts? Well, my friends, Chan has a message for you: only one type of man doesn't see the value in the old school glory of Nintendo.

And that type of man is Bill O'Reilly. Because after all, if (Fuck) one (it!) can't (We'll) find (do) fun (it) with (live!) Lincoln Logs, well, you're probably not an American. And if you can't find fun with Lincoln Logs or Nintendo, like Billo, then you're probably too young to be reading this site. So go, and age well, for one day your gaming systems will be consigned to the antique shops and trash heaps!

But if the human race smartens up and takes a few pages from my book, there will no longer be trash heaps. But that, of course, is a matter for a different day.

"We'll leave the light on for you..."

Viagra, a popular anti-impotence pill, may help some women on antidepressants have better sex, U.S. researchers said on Tuesday.

They found women on antidepressants who took Viagra had fewer sexual side effects than those who took a placebo.

Anti-impotence? More like boner-pill. Is this not just a ruse so that women can force feed their career driven husbands prescription medication without going to jail? Sounds like it…

"Doodie!"

As an American, you might look upon the above picture and wonder how you would ever survive such a scene. Most westerners believe in their personal space and get downright nasty if they lose it. Well, how about a little perspective?

Via the Thinkquest China etiquette page:

1. Personal space varies from country to country. The Chinese have less personal space than the westerners, so if you find that they are really close, it is normal. You might step a step back, but they might just take a step closer.

2. If you are in China, and pushed in a line, don’t feel bad, the Chinese aren’t use to standing in lines, and you aren’t required to be polite to strangers.

So? Does that explain it? Think about it.



"Spaulding, no!"

Shame, it seems, is a scar - like a second buttcrack.

In a scene reminiscent of George Costanza pushing small children out of the way to escape a burning apartment, we have Fan Meizhong, who realized - once he had already reached safety - that he was the first one out of a building being rocked by an earthquake. Except, it wasn’t just a building – it was a school. Full of 10 year old school children. Stuck in an earthquake. You know, the one that killed 90,000 people?

To make matters worse, Fan Meizhong wasn't just some janitor or gym teacher or some other guy you wouldn't expect to act the hero. No, he was a teacher when he bolted past those kids to a soccer field for safety. But hey, where in his job description does it say anything about saving children? He was just following orders - teach the children, teach the children, teach the children...


I'm a teacher, dammit, not a fireman! What do I know about saving kids?

So naturally Fan posted the story on his blog a few days later and suddenly found himself labeled China’s “biggest coward”. Surprising, I know. He posted that he didn’t regret his decision, and that he, in effect, would’ve stepped over his own mother to get out of that school alive.

But, he adds, he would’ve “sacrificed himself” for his baby daughter. Aw, that’s sweet!